If you want this to mean something, then that's okay.

In which the author has redacted every self-referencing element of the following work. The title has been unaltered, as it is less a personal statement and more a turn of phrase. "With my back against the lighthouse, I can see your shadow descend upon me," etc., is a well-known quote from a classic piece of literature, detailing the final revelatory moments of an elderly man's life as he gazes upon the face of God and screams. This quote is taken from a longer passage that has inspired heated debates for decades. At this moment, the reader is unsure of whether the man is frightened because God is a tyrant who reveals Himself as the monster He truly is, or if God shatters the man's preconceptions and proves that perfection does exist. It is at this moment that the man disappears from the text altogether, replaced only by a pair of brackets where his first-person pronouns would otherwise be.

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“WITH MY BACK AGAINST THE LIGHTHOUSE, I CAN SEE YOUR SHADOW DESCEND UPON ME, ETC. ETC.” (2011)

watch:
splintered like a shaft of light breaking through the trees
[ ] see each piece of [ ] heart stride gracefully toward [ ]
like a row of sirens
one foot in front of the other
arms spread wide
hair blowing in the wind
mouths wide with the shapes of songs that become brainwaves
synonymous with what [ ] would rather feel
over what [ ] am feeling now

each part of [ ] is broken off like the limb of some unfortunate crustacean
slathered in an oily slick and cracked open by a tool of cruel invention
what steel arms can clamp down on [ ] now
tight
crushing
like the pressure [ ] can feel pressing into [ ] ears
two extended fingers pushing their way into [ ] skull
like that poor crustacean
forced out of its shell

[ ] have found that the only way to break away is to sever ties completely
brandish your hatchet and hack away at the umbilical cord
that’s what [ ] always say
think of the child fresh from the womb with teeth gnashing like a wild canine
start making enemies now
spare yourself the friends necessary
to build some later

if
[ ]
feel
like [ ] want to hurt you
then [ ] will
but otherwise [ ] would just
rather
find a way
find away? Ha
[ ] would just rather be something other than right next to you
maybe a waterfall
just go from top to bottom, disregard everything in between today and tomorrow
and just plunge into the waters below
unlike the crustacean
[ ] won’t linger on the shore and let you crack [ ] on your plate

lick your lips and take your silverware
to another table
pull
[ ] limbs
and divvy out the rest of [ ]
to the loudest bidder

like a god
with [ ] back against the lighthouse [ ] can see your shadow descend upon [ ]